Oh! Hapless Bird
Chapter One, Page One.

(Llewellyn Gwynedd)

So anyway, there I was, surrounded by dinosaurs. I have to admit to being slightly more than astonished that they hadn't seemed to notice me.
As I inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled (1 think I was trying very hard to ward off panic) somewhere from deep within the recesses of my brain a question was beginning to work its way into my consciousness: what the Devil was I doing here surrounded by dinosaurs ?!? 

If this was 65 million years ago, how did I get here ? Did I travel back in time from contemporary twentieth century Earth by way of a time machine just to drop in for a visit ? If I did, why couldn't I remember it ? If, on the other hand, this was still contemporary twentieth century Earth, what were all these Dinosaurs doing here ? Had they just dropped in for a visit, maybe to witness the great future of clear-cutting, mass species extinction, environmental toxicity, global pandemics and ozone destruction that could have been theirs if they hadn't been stupid enough to get wiped out by a one-hundred million megaton meteorite? 

In the midst of all this complex, mind-boggling logical deduction, it suddenly struck me that the first moment I remembered was the moment I realized I was standing here surrounded by Dinosaurs. Before that, I had absolutely no recollection. How weird! WOW!  I What a great 'Twilight Zone" episode this would make.  At this point, I made a mental note to contact the biggest movie studio I could think of at the earliest opportunity. 

Suddenly, there seemed to be some movement nearby. The delicacy of my situation demanded prudence. I decided that I should wake up and start paying attention to what was happening around me. So, slowly and cautiously, I surveyed my neighbours nearby: there were various Brontosaurs grazing on vegetation at different places on the terrain and off in the distance I'm sure I spied a Pterodactyl flying and oh no ! There it was the dreaded Tyrannosaurus Rex THE TERRIBLE LIZARD !!

My heart seemed to skip a number of beats as I looked at it, hoping it wouldn't spot me. Drat ! Wouldn't you know it ? It was at that very instant that it looked in my direction. 

For a moment both of us seemed frozen in time... paralysed by inaction and sentiments uncertain. Then, ever so slowly, its massive head turned upward to catch the wind and unfortunately my scent wafting on it. Although overwhelmed by near-crippling terror, a tiny idea took root and began to grow in my mind:

    "Hey ! This was just a poor, dumb animal. A huge and frighteningly efficient eating machine, perhaps, but still --a poor, dumb animal. I, on the other hand, had an opposable THUMB. I was special. I was capable of rational thought. I was... an HOMO SAPIEN. I was an infinitely superior being endowed with savage destructive powers and a legacy of genocide and nuclear war in my favour."
Defiantly -- almost in a challenging fashion -- I tossed my head in the direction of my foe and thrust my chest outward as I prepared to stare it down. At this moment I also realized that a tiny stream was flowing past my webbed feet and I looked down at it to view my reflection -- almost to affirm my superior status as a... bird. 

A bird ?!? WHAT ??? Yes, it was true. I had mistaken my own identity (1 also realized I'd have to forget about the movie studio deal). I was not an HOMO SAPIEN at all. I was just a scrawny, skinny, unkempt, filthy, little bird and I didn't even have the dignity to know what species I was. 

I glanced back at the Tyrannosaurus and instantly my courage evaporated somewhere into the cosmos. I let loose a strangling, rasping, screeching, blood-curdling scream, turned and ran for my life. Looking back, I could see that T.Rex was hot on my heels, rapidly bearing down on me. Oh what a dire end for such a hapless, witless bird !!! Surely, there had to be some reasonable alternative. Surprising even myself, I turned suddenly to face T.Rex. He, too, rocked back on his heels and stared at me... apparently equally surprised by my actions. 

This predatory chase simply made no sense to me. After all I, as a bird, was the contemporary descendant of the great Dinosaurs. An evolutionary echo as it were. They were my ancestors and therefore how could there not be a kinship between us? 

'Wait !!!' I screeched. 'You could be my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great... GRANDFATHER!!!

By the afternoon, I had settled down with a lovely, hot cup of tea. I downed it and refilled my china cup. Tea tastes so exquisite from a china cup, I mused. I leaned over to help my tea-time guest adjust his serviette, then poised the tea pot over his china cup ready to pour. "More tea, GrandDad ?" Grinning from ear to ear revealing a gaping jaw brimming with huge, jagged, nasty fangs -- he roared ... "PLEASE !!!
 
 

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Copyright © 1996 Dr David Williams. All rights reserved.
Revised: Aug 14th, 1997.