I just wanted to walk in the mall today, 
I have a blueprint of this maze in my head... 
I am following a picture that leads to the store with the blinking red light, 
it absorbs me , I like to stare at it. 
It holds and comforts me - it is warm and safe -it is the same every time, 
Predictability befriends me. 
And I am up the moving stairs, walking past the toys. 
Around the bright store, thru the loud store and I am walking - fast! head 
down! fast! 
Following my path, following my picture, turning quickly and... 
Bang! 
A shadow is scrubbing where I must walk and the smell assualts me and... 
Bang! 
Harsh lights! loud noise! A piercing cry! 
I go back to my path - eyes darting - fingers busy - my skin is crawling 
and... 
I find my red light and stand right up against it and it consumes me and I 
bathe in its warmth and... 
Bang! 
The noise will not let me be, it surrounds me and attacks me and my stomach 
hurts and my head aches and throbs and the loudness is there again. 
So I press my head up against my light - just let me fix myself and... 
Bang! 
A baby crying! loud screaming and then... 
Piercing questions - I seek pressure, I seek solace, I seek comfort and quiet 
and floating - 
I just want my red light to turn on and off, 
on and off, 
on and off, 
on and off, 
on and off, 
And I scream with anticipation and need and I wave my fingers and flap my 
hands and jump up and down, 
up and down, 
up and down, 
up and down, 
up and down and... 
Bang! 
A man with six buttons and no face, roaring, yelling and I turn away and... 
Bang! 
He comes closer and I ache now and shiver and my skin turns itchy and warm 
and... 
Bang! 
He touches my neck, and grabs my shoulders and turns me and... 
I am repeating what he says again and again and, 
again and again and 
again and again and 
again and again and... 
Bang! 
The floor is pressing me and mouths are yelling at me, hands touching me and 
I picture my room and my trains and my cards and... 
my dad and... 
Bang! 
I can't move my hands or my head and I am biting, flailing, aching, 
screaming, punching, eyes rolling, mind racing and flashes of light and sound 
have taken me and... 
my dad can help, my light will help and... 
I don't know what will happen next, 
and there is no comfort here, 
no understanding here and.. 
I just wanted to walk in the mall today...
 

The "Haves" and "Have Nots"

I didn't quite cure Autism today, 
but I managed to put five martinis away, 
and attended a gala with lavish buffet, 
We'll I guess it is time to jet back to L.A ! 

My son didn't sleep well, he rocked and he cried. 
I begged for more services, but we were denied. 
No speech, no O.T., no more hours - they lied! 
The district is poor - that's all they replied! 

Well, I am off to Hollywood with an actor to sup - 
I suppose that the limo is picking our son up - 
Is he at school? Horseback riding or what? 
This Autism stuff is getting so tough! 

I am tired, defeated, degraded and tense, 
I can feel the loss of my innocence - 
I am sad, I am numb, it just doesn't make sense - 
The love of my child is my only defense. 

I made a donation for a new Autism wing, 
I forgot what my wife told me to name the thing - 
But I have a signed football, I 'm going to bring, 
And an actress friend is going to sing. 

The state tried to take all our power away, 
We've been forced to go to due process today, 
Our insurance company has declined to pay. 
My child is my hero, he has something to say! 

We are not rich or elite, of this I am sure, 
We fight from the trenches, or motives are pure. 
We scream from our hearts, we are never demure, 

We are the community, and truly - the cure! 

by Bill Davis 
Autism Advocate 
and author of "Breaking Autism's Barriers" A Father's Story
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