After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
You begin to accept your defeats with your
head up and your eyes open.
You behave with the grace of an adult, not the
grief of a child.
You learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So, plant your own garden and decorate your
own soul;
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
You learn that you really can endure,
that you really are strong,
and you really do have worth.
In other words .. if you want a contract, get a lawyer and GET A CONTRACT for goodness sake! If you need security, then PUT IT IN THE CONTRACT. A white wedding really doesn't spell out a lot of pertinent points which should be brought to the attention of a lifetime partner.
What are my qualifications to speak of relationships? I'm into my sixtieth year and have experience.
So, in my experience there is only one point in relationships, around which all others revolve: the spreading of genes. (I speak of all species, from insects to homo sapiens).
Thus the female naturally chooses a mate which has, so far as she can tell, the strongest, most intelligent, genes which she can possibly attract in the time given her and with the genes which she herself has.
The female thinks somewhat of sex, but only at the beginning of the relationship. Other than that her preoccupation is with the nurturing, care, protection, safety and comfort of the young. Naturally she will also be quite concerned about her own survival in order that she may continue to care for the young. To some males this behaviour may make her appear avaricious and acquisitive. Indeed, if she is insecure she will become increasingly acquisitive; we have all read about older females found surrounded by "stuff"!
The male wishes to spread his seed to the maximum number of females. This is his duty in life. Again I speak of all species.
The male thinks of sex and the spreading of his genes at all times and no matter what his occupation at the time. From the sweeping of a street to the flying of an aeroplane, his tool of the moment becomes a phallic symbol and he naturally thinks the female is admiring or thinking about the same thing. In fact, he is so totally preoccupied with this natural endeavour that it can over-ride all other thoughts.
Younger, more attractive males (no matter the pulchritude) may not be able to offer the females the security, strength, maturity, intellect and experience which they require. This gives rise to the question: "What do women really want?" Well, there in a nutshell is "what they want, what they really, really want!" - Security, Strength, Maturity, Intellect, Experience. So, young man, if you don't have these, then you just don't get it.
Most males continue to produce viable seed for their natural lifetime. However, sometimes as early as thirty- four years (in humans) they begin to lose the ability to spread it. As the saying goes: "the eyesight is the second thing to go wrong!" This makes the human male very insecure and he will begin to look for younger mates as a remedy to his waning libido.
Unfortunately, this makes him and his family easy prey for the younger female - who usually is looking for the assets mentioned previously, which the older male usually has.
Females (in humans) lose all ability to reproduce - normally approximately at age fifty-two, or earlier if they have need for hysterectomy. At this time they will find they become invisible to males. Also, reproductive parts, skin, hair, nails etc. become thin and dry. Estrogen Replacement Therapy has received a lot of publicity. However, it causes swelling, migraines, moodiness, bleeding and other undesirable ligament and muscle changes. As in all other things: You Can't Fool Mother Nature!
Normally I have noticed most females over fifty years
have a great need to "get away", "escape",
"Get out of the house". No doubt this is the reason for the Cruise and
Travel Phenomenon.
Females of this age who have developed the fortitude (and financial security)
to let go of their males and to forget the silly
idea of "until death do us part", will find greater peace.
Rhona Raskin Home Page at http://www.rhona.com.