1. Jealousy of your time with co-workers, friends, family or hobbies.
2. Controlling behaviour: Tries to control your comings and goings and your money and insists on "helping" you make personal decisions.
3. Isolation: Cuts you off from supportive resources such as telephone pals and colleagues at work.
4. Blames others for his problems: Unemployment, family quarrels, children. I.e. Everything is "your fault.
5. Hypersensitivity: Easily upset by annoyances which are a part of daily life, such as being asked to work overtime. This includes criticism of any kind, other people when driving, being asked to help with chores or child care.
6. Cruelty to animals or children: Insensitive to their pain and suffering, may tease and/or hurt children and pets.
7. "Playful" use of force in sex: May throw you down and hold you during sex. May hold your throat or bend you over backwards when kissing you; thus damaging your back. May start having sex with you when you are sleeping or demand sex when you are ill or tired.
8. Verbal abuse: Says cruel and hurtful things, degrades and humiliates you, wakes you up to verbally abuse you or doesn't let you go to sleep.
9. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality: Sudden mood swings and unpredictable behaviour; one minute loving, the next minute angry and punitive.
10. Past history of battering: Has hit others, but has a list of excuses for having been "pushed over the edge", or provoked in some way.
11. Threats of violence: Says, "I'll slap you," "I'll kill you," or "I'll break your neck".
12. Breaking or striking objects: Breaks your possessions, throws objects near or at you or your children.
13. Uses force during an argument: Holds you down or against a wall, pushes, shoves, slaps or kicks you or puts arm-lock on you. Any forceful behaviour can easily escalate to choking, stabbing or shooting.
Because millions of women will be battered at some time in their lives, they need to know how to read the warning signs. Anyone who reads of him or herself in the above list should call the nearest crisis line and tell the assistant what is happening. There you can be provided with support and safety options.
There are several ways to break the cycle of violence. Identifying the warning signs is the first step.